10 things you should know about me!

I SAW THIS ON SOME OTHER BLOGS SO I THOUGHT I WOULD DO IT TOO!!!

1. Determined-- when i see something i really go for it, full hearted and full forced, i never half step anything i either do it all and perfect or i don't do it at all. which some times can really get me into trouble when it comes to the not doing it at all part.

2. Crazy--oh yea you know it I'm crazy, and if you know me then you know that i am crazy no doubt!! i do things like meet a guy and plan out our whole lives together, and what it will look like when we're in a relationship on facebook or what the wedding would look like. i would never tell anyone this! but i think crazy things that ppl wouldn't even think of that leads me to...

3. Plan full!-- i plan EVERYTHING! i have a planner which is color coded (green-birthdays, pink-meetings, blue-bills, and orange--work) and i live and die by it. everything and anything is in it! i write down EVERYTHING that i have to do from dates, to work, to when i got a perm or my period.

4. Boyish--i really think i think like a boy, i just got into heels, dressed and makeup, but i am a sports nut!!! i LOVE football and played it in high school (and not just powder puff with the boys) i really like boxers and white tees and sweats i could wear them anywhere... and I'm really not all for a chick flick... but i got my feminine qualities

5. Caring-- i really care about things and people with all my heart. things like domestic violence and issues with youth pull at my heart strings. when it comes to people i care too much some times which leads me to...

6. Social--i am a very!! very!! social person, i like to be around people and go out. i don't really like to be alone, well not all the time. down time is good but i rather much be around people. i have 888 friends on facebook, and i call and text and email all day like its no ones business...some times it gets me intro trouble because i think everyone is my friends and some are NOT!

7. Smart--now just because i have two degrees doesn't make me smart, but i just know things some random facts and some really important things but i know how to do things and i use my education to always learn more, and if i can keep learning forever maybe being smart will turn into being WISE.

8. Independent-- i do everything by myself. i have had a job since i was 14! i have never felt that i needed a man for something and most of the time i took care of the person i was with. i have my own car, apt, money, clothes. i do everything myself and i like it like that, i would like to have a man that would provide for me, but not because i need him there (cause i can do it all myself) but someone who i want to have there and wants to be there!

aiight imma little bored with blog i will work on it later... lol

Long Time No See!

well well well where do i start first?!

so that boy i was talking to we'll call him CW! got a facebook add right... FROM HIS GIRLFRIEND! even my own cousin (his best friend) said that he had one. so you know that i let it GO! he didn't even call me or give me an explanation or anything just fell off the face of the earth! he told me that he was going to come to my house and DIDN'T! he just didn't come i waited for 3 hours...so i went to Chicago this last weekend, and he called me said he missed me and wanted to talk (we'll talk later about my trip to Chicago once i can post some pics!) so i told him i would get back with him when i got home...and i did just that.

so then the boy comes and gets me, he says he sorry isn't acting like the man that he really needs to be and will do better...but then get this he says he wants to be FRIENDS?! i was so confused, i guess he felt like we took a step back. but get THIS! he thinks because we haven't made that "soul tie" (you know what I'm taking about) that i didn't have the right to ask him about this girl that says she was his girlfriend! now i don't know about you, but if a girl come right to me and says that my boyfriend I'm gonna ignore it! i did that before with a MF and it didn't work out at all (and now he is engaged to the girl, but still calls me)


you know what makes me a cool as chick though?! i didn't even tell the girl that i have been dating him for the last three weeks... i just let it go. well CW just said that he wanted to be best of friends and see where it goes... and i guess I'm cool with that but he still wanted to kiss me?!?! "boy, friends don't do that" is what i say" to me....

all he wants is the best parts of me, the fun and cool part but it comes to the real parts of me being respected and my expectations and standards of him he doesn't wanna have to live up to em! he wants to be like "oh yea girl you my boo, but u cant question me about her cause we not together!" and i don't do that! he even said that he wants to be best of friends and talk everyday and kick it but nothing more so i cant get mad at the things he does?!

i DESERVE a commitment! what do i look like, BOO BOO THE FOOL! never that! but then something really weird happened....

we were driving home, and we came to a street that kinda looked like one way but we weren't sure this is the convo that went down...

CW-you think this is a one way?!
ME-IDK maybe it kinda looks like it, there are some cars coming that way
CW-hmm i really don't know.
ME-well just go and try it.
CW-nah, i don't want to take that chance!

**DING**DING**DING**
it was like a light bulb, he didn't wanna take a way that he didn't think was safe that he didn't really know about, what if it was the wrong way it wouldn't be that bad he would just turn around and go back the other way and it wouldn't be a big deal as long as he didn't crash. but if it was the right way and the two way it would have gotten us to where we needed to be and faster! so it just hit me.

he doesn't wanna take chance on us, and what we could be something that is new to him and that is a risk to him. he wants to do go the safe route and do what hes always been doing because its safe and comfortable! he wasn't ready to take that chance with me and even if it didn't work and we did crash, he wasn't willing to just go for it. i think he knew he was gonna drive right into oncoming traffic with me if he wasn't completely on his game.

he did tell me that he considers himself to always be a mess up and that he cant do things right, they will always go wrong and he will always mess them up. so maybe he just doesn't feel like hes in a good enough spot not to mess up with me, and doesn't wanna take that chance. which is cool, but not really the man that I'm looking for.

so we took the safe route, no leaps and bounds and took the long SAFE way home. and that was it, we said that we would be friends but it was just a REVELATION!

he didn't call me yesterday and i wasn't heart broken about it, i think i deserve more, and that i can have better. he was good, but not great.

i did lay it all out there for him i said:

i will be respected
i will be treated with dignity
i will be loved
i will be blessed
and i will be a great partner to only someone who can be great to me AMEN!! LOL

My Alter Ego

so today... was a better day! things are really falling into place with work and daycare. CW came over last night and we talked for a while, he had just got back from a funeral so for him to come see me was really nice of him. i told him i was sorry for being such a big baby while sick but what can i say that's really how i am when i don't feel good, but he didn't deserve for me to take it out on him. little man is getting into daycare so while I'm not working that leaves me with alot of ME! time and that's is ALWAYS a plus!

i talked to my BFF Manda and she said that i should look at this movie trailer for Jennifer's Body with Megan Fox who basically eats boys whole! it was gruesome but it definitely explains how i feel when I'm having one of those CRAZY days! so check it out. and my official alter ego (ya know the mean, cold hearted, bitchy one) name is Jennifer! sounds right to me

have a good day! check out the trailer



Boss Lady Out-Peace&Love

No Sympathy for the Sick!?!

ugh what a day!

the sickness

it started off by me having a sore throat and being UBER PISSED that my rents didn't disinfect things after they were sick. all i needed was for Leon to get sick and i woulda been DONE!

but it was horrible, i thought i was going to die there was Flem coming from everywhere.

the kid

to make it worse, Leon took advantage of that (he is my 2yr old son!) he was tearing things up. eating toilet paper, going in my purse. all while his poor sick mom was dying on the couch just trying to get some rest. so we had a daycare appointment at 1pm and i tried to give him nap since he had woke up @ 7am but he wasn't having it. when we went to the visit the director gave us a tour and Leon was running all over that place like a MADMAN! (i mean who really gives a tour during NAP TIME?!?!?!) and he was screaming bloody murder. so we left and i really felt defeated. the trip to the bank and Walgreen's weren't much better...

the boy

to make matters worse, i called my mom told her if she didn't take Leon i was gonna go crazy and she said okay. so i called CW and told him i wanted to come see him. now he's not my BF but we are kickin it pretty hard, really good guy sweet but well . . . . you'll hear the story. i went over there (20 min drive) and he really didn't pay me any ATTENTION! by now I'm like WTF! I mean i know the brotha is at work but damn, can a sister get a little EXTRA SPECIAL ATTENTION! every time my phone rang he said that some guy was calling! and then i said something about him liking this white girl that tried to talk to him while he was at a training (IDK why he felt he had to tell me that as soon as it was over) i think it said something about her being a cute girl and he said, "yeah i would be all over that" and i was like REALLY?!?! but that's prob my fault for even starting it. we joke like that all the time, but after the morning i had and being SICK i just wasn't in the mood. at one point the boy left me to talk to his co-worker outside for 15 mins! while i watched his client eat (like i have never seen a man eat before) and watch Last Christmas A MOVIE I DIDN'T EVEN LIKE! ugh!!!!! i told him i had to go and he was all sad, "no baby please blah blah blah" I'm like whatever! i spent my hour of me time on you and didn't get anything...

the family

so when i get home there isn't even any food for me! mom made burgers (YES I LIVE WITH MY MAMA! ITS A RECESSION) for everyone even my son and not for me...man i was maddddddd by now. and there wasn't even a clean dish to eat off of. i mean we are NOT pigs but do i have to cook, clean, and wash dishes after everyone! i guess i don't work or anything now but OH I WILL!

the friend

i talked to audreau and she said that OJ, CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP, AND A TUCK IN from mom was allll over! and i was an adult now. i couldn't believe it but she was right. there was no one to take care of me and my cold (when I'm sick I'm SICK). no one really even cared. everyone gets sick and they just move on, no babying me anymore. it was just a sad moment.....she said that it was just my complaining day and that's just how it would have to be.

the boy....again

and to top it all off CW hasn't even called me after that. i told him that i was being crabby but that i didn't think that spending time at his job was gonna work anymore in the nicest way. i tried to call him after i talked to Audreau to tell him i was sorry and i needed to suck it up, but he wouldn't answer and now every time the phone rings i think its him and its not. i might have really MESSED UP THAT ONE! BUT, i figure if he cant deal with me when I'm sick and crabby for one day then he doesnt deserve me! right?! i hope so :(

UGH WHAT A DAY!!!

ps.

I'm thinking of a name for my crazy as alter ego (cause she is messing up my flow) leave me a comment with some suggestions

Boss Lady Out, Peace&Love

What is Attractive?! (Advise for Sarah)

hello bloggers! (don't forget to follow me!)

so this weekend i have really been posing to myself the question on what is attractive?! is it someone that we see and want to jump their bones!? or someone that over time becomes beautiful based on personality?! what happens when things like accidents, illness, or time changes those appearances and all we have left is the person.

i have a friend (we'll call her Sarah) and she i stuck in a dilemma! she had a guy that she really likes, hes nice calls her all the times, goes out of his way to see her, and even fronts her cash when its badly needed. but he is a little bigger then she is used to. i mean the girl is CUTE but doesn't mean she is a looker like Halle Berry or anything! she just likes them to be athletic. the guys that's she's had that are "lookers" have never really been that nice to her, but she is worried about what other ppl think of who she is dating. she had been through the relationships like i think we all have where the friends and fam don't really think the person is a 10 and has to make it apparent that they feel this way EVERY TIME YOU SEE THEM!

so when i told my mom about the situation she said that the values of fitness and health have to be there, and over time things might change in their appearance but the values will always be there! like lets say the boy has always been bigger but works out when he can and eats right, then those values are there. my friend Richard actually eats out every meal (ya know skinny college kid syndrome) and he might end up with a Budah Belly when he's 40! so here are some questions i pose!

1. what is attractive?! if beauty is in the eye of the beholder then what do you think makes some one attractive?!

2. how far does having a good personality really go!? and when we talk to a friend about a potential hook up and he we say, "oh, he has a nice personality" isn't that just code for "don't be mad at me if he is FUGLY!"

3. do you need to know ahead of time what the sex is going to be like and if there is any chemistry there before making a long term commitment?! and if they are not up to your standards do you think there is room for improvement!?

4. what happens when those attractive features that made them stand out are gone!?

just some things i was thinking of, i don't know what I'm going to tell Sarah, i think that looks are important but at the same time my moms friend was 45 and his wife had a stroke, it all changed! she couldn't walk, work, or barely talk. so when we place a high value on things like physical features what happens when those are ruined!?

is it gonna be like a Musiq Soulchild

i love you when your hair turns grey
ill love you if you gained a little weight
cause my feelings for you will always be the same just as long as your love don't change?!

i really don't know!
WHAT DO YOU THINK?! LEAVE A COMMENT!

Boss Lady Out-Peace&Love

Out @ The Club

Soooo.
I'm getting used to this blogging thing, a lot of ppl but some serious stuff out here but this is just fun for me... i am following Diggy (Simmons) and getting some interesting information and seeing some cool stuff even my BFF Amanda commented on my blog. (i love that girl, Chicago @ the end of the month here i come <3)

here are some pics of when me and my girls went out and this new video from Wale (Wa-Lay not like whale) and Lady GaGa that i heard its HOTT!!!! the left is some cat that was at the club, i wish you coulda seen the whole fit. my mom always says "you young kids are getting bamboozled these are the same styles from when i was younger and they charge you double for the clothes!" but i kinda want the lip ring?! what do you think?! on the right is Styles P. that came in for a mini performance! LOVED IT!

overall it was good day! just really ready for things to get moving in my life, but its all good for now I'm enjoying the relaxation...but i def gotta find time for all these friends i wanna go see!

Blog ya later! <3>

Baby Mama Drama/Dead Beat Dads

so i was having a conversation about the baby mama drama in the world and i was growing really concerned.my friend's "baby mama" posted some things on facebook about him, calling him a dead beat dad and talking about things that really didn't have any place for a facebook status. well come to find out from him she has another kid by another dad, and that he does help for his daughter (almost $500 a month! among other things) and she is mad because she lives off the money that he gives to support both of her children and her clubbing habits!

i have many friends (about 4) that i can think of off the top of my head, that have this same issue. really smart, funny, attractive, men who support their daughters and sons with all their might! and the baby moms only complain! they use the term dead beat dad loosely, and in ways that will break the self esteem of these men!now if they had the baby dad that i do, no child support, no money at all, doesn't see his son for months, and doesn't bother to call they would definitely be singing another tune! i do everything by myself, working 3 jobs, school with 2 degrees, and i toddler with no help monetary or otherwise!what happened to the days when relationships were golden! when the man got a girl pregnant and married her, or did whatever was necessary to provide for the family!

now women say " i have 4 kids and 6 baby days cause for some of them i don't know who the dad is" and for the men they just don't ever really know how to provide or the appropriate thing to do.

sometimes i accredit this to the flight or fright theory, because men who have been raised in single family homes have no real training on how to be a man and raise of family so they get scared and either do whatever they can for the family,(flight) or they run and in most cases they do the latter (fright)

but really tell me what happened when a strong black family was so appreciated and honored and keeping the family together took whatever was necessary even if it meant being unhappy for the parents.i just want there to be more wives, mothers, providers, strong women, educators, and back bones of the family not just a baby mom! then you get the my baby mom is crazy and my forget my baby dad!

• i ask the question: when did this trend happen, and how can we get it to end!!!!!
  

50 Books in a Year

hey!

so this is my first blog but i wanted to talk about what i have going on.so since i just graduated, i wanted to spend my time still learning and working on things that i thought would enhance my knowledge while its not required at school. so i decided between now (may 16th graduation) and the day i leave for law school (some time in late Aug) i will read 50 books! christian novels, plays, masterpieces, political pieces, self help books i mean anything i can get my hands on! i want to "blog" or discuss what books i chose, what i thought about them and ask for suggestions! so here we go....

1. Be Careful of The Company You Keep-Angie Daniels
i thought this book was great but it was so crazy to be a christian novel, i wanted a book that was more about real issues that we go through as children of god, i didn't want to hear about marital issues that didn't relate to me, or divorce i wanted to read about women who have sexual needs and how they solve the issues they have. this book had issues from homosexuality, cheating, teen pregnancy, etc. etc.
2. Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man-Steve Harvey
this book was very insightful and helped with a lot of the issues i had about relationships. it have me a new perspective on standards and what i should expect and how i should be treated! amazing!
3. A Gathering of Old Men-Ernest Gaines
I actually lost this book but i was almost done and I'm getting it from the library so i will work on that soon. i really call this book number 3.5 (GNR)

4. Raising Kanye-Donda West
this book was very insightful for a single mother. i have always like kanye west and the way he talks and his public image in the music industry. reading about how he was raised and the things that made him who he is today, and how his mother had a great deal of weight in that was inspiring. Sadly Donda West has pasted now so that was the glumly shadow over the entire book for me.

i like blogging! :) there are more books to come soon!