Long Time No See!

well well well where do i start first?!

so that boy i was talking to we'll call him CW! got a facebook add right... FROM HIS GIRLFRIEND! even my own cousin (his best friend) said that he had one. so you know that i let it GO! he didn't even call me or give me an explanation or anything just fell off the face of the earth! he told me that he was going to come to my house and DIDN'T! he just didn't come i waited for 3 hours...so i went to Chicago this last weekend, and he called me said he missed me and wanted to talk (we'll talk later about my trip to Chicago once i can post some pics!) so i told him i would get back with him when i got home...and i did just that.

so then the boy comes and gets me, he says he sorry isn't acting like the man that he really needs to be and will do better...but then get this he says he wants to be FRIENDS?! i was so confused, i guess he felt like we took a step back. but get THIS! he thinks because we haven't made that "soul tie" (you know what I'm taking about) that i didn't have the right to ask him about this girl that says she was his girlfriend! now i don't know about you, but if a girl come right to me and says that my boyfriend I'm gonna ignore it! i did that before with a MF and it didn't work out at all (and now he is engaged to the girl, but still calls me)


you know what makes me a cool as chick though?! i didn't even tell the girl that i have been dating him for the last three weeks... i just let it go. well CW just said that he wanted to be best of friends and see where it goes... and i guess I'm cool with that but he still wanted to kiss me?!?! "boy, friends don't do that" is what i say" to me....

all he wants is the best parts of me, the fun and cool part but it comes to the real parts of me being respected and my expectations and standards of him he doesn't wanna have to live up to em! he wants to be like "oh yea girl you my boo, but u cant question me about her cause we not together!" and i don't do that! he even said that he wants to be best of friends and talk everyday and kick it but nothing more so i cant get mad at the things he does?!

i DESERVE a commitment! what do i look like, BOO BOO THE FOOL! never that! but then something really weird happened....

we were driving home, and we came to a street that kinda looked like one way but we weren't sure this is the convo that went down...

CW-you think this is a one way?!
ME-IDK maybe it kinda looks like it, there are some cars coming that way
CW-hmm i really don't know.
ME-well just go and try it.
CW-nah, i don't want to take that chance!

**DING**DING**DING**
it was like a light bulb, he didn't wanna take a way that he didn't think was safe that he didn't really know about, what if it was the wrong way it wouldn't be that bad he would just turn around and go back the other way and it wouldn't be a big deal as long as he didn't crash. but if it was the right way and the two way it would have gotten us to where we needed to be and faster! so it just hit me.

he doesn't wanna take chance on us, and what we could be something that is new to him and that is a risk to him. he wants to do go the safe route and do what hes always been doing because its safe and comfortable! he wasn't ready to take that chance with me and even if it didn't work and we did crash, he wasn't willing to just go for it. i think he knew he was gonna drive right into oncoming traffic with me if he wasn't completely on his game.

he did tell me that he considers himself to always be a mess up and that he cant do things right, they will always go wrong and he will always mess them up. so maybe he just doesn't feel like hes in a good enough spot not to mess up with me, and doesn't wanna take that chance. which is cool, but not really the man that I'm looking for.

so we took the safe route, no leaps and bounds and took the long SAFE way home. and that was it, we said that we would be friends but it was just a REVELATION!

he didn't call me yesterday and i wasn't heart broken about it, i think i deserve more, and that i can have better. he was good, but not great.

i did lay it all out there for him i said:

i will be respected
i will be treated with dignity
i will be loved
i will be blessed
and i will be a great partner to only someone who can be great to me AMEN!! LOL